Getting The Right Divorce Strategies In Place
Divorce can be a very traumatic event in a person’s life. Those who find themselves in a situation that leads to divorce feel betrayed, shocked, inferior, depressed, belittled and angered by what is happening. However, it is not wise to try and keep a relationship going if there is no hope and once every possible solution has been considered and discussed by you both.
It is important that you do not force either one of you to work at your failed marriage just because you have children. There are reasons for why relationships end - it was not the best one to begin with, it’s also may be because the couple have grown apart or it could be one of them has changed so much that they aren’t who they were when they got married. The best thing you can do for the children in a divorce situation is to work it out in a civilized manner and always be honest with the children with regards to what is happening.
Unfortunately, many divorces are made far worse by one party being either vindictive or hostile; and even in a divorce where that is not the case, the first thing (possibly after child custody) that is going to be the target of interest is the money and the assets. In a way, a marriage is a business deal, and this business is now being broken up. So you need to understand how to navigate these possibly hostile waters and come out alright. For this you’ll need a strategy, and you’ll also need tactics. Neither is romantic, but both are necessary.
The strategies you put in place are ones which will help you to get what you want. If for example you are interested in getting the house completely or enough of the equity to help you make the transition more easily into a new life. Then it’s no good setting yourself up as the sacrificial lamb and allowing you partner to have whatever they want. It’s all well and good being nice, but it won’t help you in your divorce settlement and you just like your ex want justice and fairness. So you need to plan a strategy that ensures that you get what is rightfully yours.
As for your tactics these are moves you are going to be making to help you achieve the goals in your strategy. By having the right tactics in place you are setting yourself up to win and will help you to block or counteract any moves you see as being unjust or unfair that your soon to be ex partner makes. They need to be thought out well and certainly you should keep your emotions in check when planning them else you can leave yourself vulnerable. Remember, there are some divorce situations where the other person who is normally gentle and kind can become your worst enemy and will try and take you for everything they can. The only time you should stop using the tactics you have chosen is if you find that they aren’t actually working.
If your divorce is contested–meaning at least one of you doesn’t want to accept it or doesn’t want to agree on a fair settlement–be prepared for it to take two years or more to have the papers signed. Do not set your heart on a specific time frame or date for final settlement.
You should make sure you consultant a divorce lawyer who is either known to you or has been recommended to you with regards to the tactics you intend to use and your divorce strategy. These people are a very essential and will help you to cope and understand the various stages of the divorce process.
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I think that you are absolutely right and your first line could not be anymore accurate. I had no idea how involved or traumatic a divorce can be until I started working for http://www.firstwivesworld.com, it is an online community of support, information, and help for women navigating through the various stages of divorce and life thereafter.
I read each day about the many questions women have about what they are going through. I feel very proud to be working for an organization that is helping people move beyond something that can be very tough, and come out as unscathed and positive as possible. Articles like this are also making a difference and I think each day we collectively are aiding in the removal of the stigma that has been attached to divorce for so long.
Just my two cents
Ann Marie